What’s in a Kiss?

My father’s favourite Christmas Carol was ‘In the Bleak Midwinter’ and the line that always used to break his heart was,

‘But only His Mother, In her maiden bliss
Worshipped the Beloved, With a kiss.’

To my dad the picture of a loving young mother gently kissing her new born child encaptured a pure, spotless love.

But can we stop for a moment.  When you think again it, you know stepping back dispassionately, kissing really does seem a rather odd thing to do to another human being.

We do all sorts of odd things to each other.  In the old days real men would greet each other with a firm handshake. When that seemed rather too formal we found new ways to greet each other. I remember my mates coming up to me and giving a manly punch on the arm as a way of saying hello.  We thought that wasn’t old fashioned and hopefully wasn’t too affectionate.

I remember being considered quite odd when as a teenager I started greeting people with a kiss on the cheek.  I had seen people do that on my trips to the music business in London and thought it quite modern and trendy.  Goodness knows what Margaret and Beth, the two elderly spinster sisters who went to my church, must have thought at the time.

How times have changed. Nowadays its quite normal to see teenagers greet each other with massive bear hugs

This week I launched a new single called ‘The Kiss’.  There’s a story behind the song which I will share a little later but as I sat editing the video to the release I got to thinking…. kissing…what an odd thing to do.

As with most customs, there are things we do in our own culture which we think very natural. We expect that every other culture will do the same things. It’s only when you start travelling around the world that you soon find out that what we think is normal, in other countries isn’t! 

In Malaysia it is considered very rude to point with your fingers but pointing with the thumb is the height of manners. Apparently that scene from ‘My Big Fat Greek Wedding’, where everyone spits on the bride isn’t a Hollywood invention.  It really is an old Greek custom which the film has now helped bring to international attention.

In India there is a ritual where it is thought to be good luck to break a coconut over a friends head. In Bosnia they welcome spring by throwing scrambles eggs at each other. The Dani tribe in Indonesia mark the passing of a loved one by amputating the top joint of a woman’s finger.

To these cultures this is natural, and we are the odd ones.

Having decided to do a little more research on the history of kissing I came across a BBC article. According to Professor William Jankowiak from Nevada University only 46 % of the 168 cultures he studied around the world actually kiss on the lips in a romantic fashion.  I should say that exclude kisses like a mother and a young child as referenced in the Christmas Carol so loved by my dad.

So if they don’t kiss romantically, well, it begs the question, what do people in love do with each other?

Charles Darwin noticed on his trips to New Zealand a ceremony called the pressing of noses.

“They then squatted themselves down and held up their faces; my companion, standing over them, one after another, placed the bridge of the nose at right angles to theirs, and commenced pressing. This lasted rather longer than a cordial shake of the hands with us, and as we vary the force of the grasp of the hand in shaking, so they do in pressing. During the process they uttered comfortable little grunts.”

The BBC articles goers on to note that on an island just off the coast of Papua New Guinea lovers nibble each other eyelashes.  I must admit I’ve never tried that, and I don’t think I ever will.

Anyway, back to kissing as we know it. 

Scientists can’t be sure, but they think it might be down to the mother child relationship.  It may even go back to a time when the mother would actually feed their weening child by sharing partly chewed chunks of food, you know, a bit like penguins do.  I don’t know about you, but I might be starting to feel a bit sick.

Growing up we know that at some stage kissing will be something expected of us.  I can remember being very worried at those early teenage parties where spin the bottle meant having to snog the person the bottle pointed to when it finally stopped spinning,.  For ‘Spin the bottle’ also see ‘Postman’s Knock’. 

So many things going on in a young mind.  Firstly, would it point to the lady I had a secret crush on? Secondly, does my breath smell and thirdly will I do it properly.

Over the years my anxiety levels when kissing have somewhat diminished but at the back of my mind I still always worry that that garlic bread or chicken tikka masala might prove longer lasting that one had hoped.

My new song is called ‘The Kiss’ and there is a story behind the song.  If you have been I a long term relationship you will know that sometimes you want to have your say when it comes to an argument, in fact it is important that you share completely your side of the story in its entirety before the matter is officially closed. 

Out delivering flyers for the concert at Swansea Arena 3rd Oct.

It was quite sometime ago but I remember just such a situation where I had a very reasonable grievance.  I was going to make my point of view felt and nothing could stop me.  Then she played her trump card.  Out of the blue she stopped arguing and very gently kissed me.  That was so unfair.  I hadn’t finished and she had completely spoiled my rant. There was nowhere left for me to go.

I was remembering that occasion when I wrote ‘The Kiss’, but something else also came to my mind.

 I have had a very simple faith since I was a child but sometimes I find myself frustrated with the world, at its unfairness or my perception that everything is against me.  I’m not alone and some of the most spiritual people have felt the same way. If you go to the Psalms you will read poet after bard complaining about their lot. One of the biggest moaners of all is King David who is said to have been ‘a man after God’s Own Heart’.

Then, while I am still cross, I will see a perfect sunset, or hear the waves lapping up on Swansea Bay or get a great big cuddle from one of my kids or grandkids and it’s as if the Almighty himself has kissed my face.  I still have a million questions that I want and need answering but in that moment The Kiss has completely disarmed me.

When I finished the song I remember saying to my wife, ‘I started writing this song about you but in the end I write it about God’.  Her answer was ‘What, aren’t I good enough?’. I can’t win can I but it’s not worth arguing over.